Imagine this: it’s your last year of high school, graduation is soon, and prom is right around the corner. You just bought a dress that makes you feel your best and are about to post it on the Westford Academy prom Facebook page when you see that a freshman or sophomore has already “claimed” the dress.
This scenario would be frustrating for anyone, and by preventing underclassmen from attending these dances, even if they are going with an upperclassman, the annoyance can be avoided.
According to Dean Bob Ware, school administrators justify not limiting who is allowed to attend most school events because they want to be inclusive of everyone.
“It is the high school experience,” Ware said. “We are a community that stays together for 185 days a year and we want everyone to be included in our celebrations.”
Although this sentiment is appreciated by most underclassmen, this rule should not apply to prom or cotillion because older students who are more mature should not be forced to spend their night alongside younger kids. Cotillion and prom are special events awaited by upperclassmen for years. For many, these occasions are looked at as milestones in their lives.
Upperclassmen have earned these events and don’t deserve the frustration of having to share it with people who just entered the picture. Most juniors and seniors have had to wait on attending these nights and the least that could be done for them is to keep the tradition of upperclassmen-only dances in place for all.
“I think that we need to wait our turn and I think it would be kind of awkward for 14 year olds to be sharing a really fun, awaited night with 18 year olds,” freshman Rebecca Lawch said.
Along with the age gap, the freshmen and sophomores going to prom or cotillion early will feel that the experience is less special when it’s their turn, as they’ve already been a part of the event in previous years.
These dances often come with responsibilities like late nights and more formal behavior. Kids who have just moved out of middle school are not ready for this level of maturity. Younger students are also less prepared to handle unsafe or uncomfortable situations, which generates safety concerns for both the younger and older students.
Additionally, the events create concerns regarding transportation because these dances are held off campus which means finding arrangements and getting into unexpected situations while trying to travel can be very difficult.
Another big and real issue is power imbalances. When younger students are placed in circumstances with older students there is a much greater risk of manipulation and boundary violations.
If freshmen and sophomores are not present, it should not be viewed as not inclusive or rude, but rather as a way to preserve the traditional practices and excitement of the event, which have been cherished and kept for many years.
Yes, underclassmen don’t have a “real” dance which is designated for them but that is not a recent development. This is how it has been for several years and the current upperclassmen did not have any formal dances either.
“We didn’t have a real dance for the past two years. I think it should be focused on juniors and seniors. The freshman and sophomores should do what we have been doing for the past two years,” junior Nina Chawla said.
Some people, like junior Brady Dinsmore, think that underclassmen should be allowed to attend cotillion or prom in certain scenarios such as if they are dating an upperclassmen or have a strong relationship with them.
“Some upperclassmen are in relationships with underclassmen or they are just really good friends,” Dinsmore said. “I don’t think it really matters if they attend and it should not be limited.”
While these arguments are fair, fun does not simply vanish when a student waits their turn. In addition, relationships can still be supported in other ways such as planning experiences for after the event so both people still feel connected. This also gives upperclassmen a moment to enjoy a memorable time with the people in their respective grades.
To solve this issue, schools need to create clear rules that limit cotillion and prom attendance to juniors and seniors. Schools can host separate, less elaborate dances or social events for underclassmen so they still feel included.
Parents and teachers also should not encourage students to jump ahead or rush their life, but instead they should promote the enjoyment of each stage of high school. By setting boundaries and offering alternatives, the fun gatherings can remain unique and particular for those they are designed for.
