When I think of the word “school,” I immediately think mostly of anxiety and sleep. Those two ideas have circled around in my brain for the past semester of my ninth-grade year.

It isn’t the school part that puts me at unease but it is the part in which I return home and have to cram all my homework into the limited time-frame I have. Honestly, most of my stress and ‘anxiety’ comes from the fact that, compared to eighth-grade, ninth-grade is tougher. Comparing what I used to do after school last year to what I do this year, shows a large difference. It should not be a surprise when I say that I miss eighth grade.

Along with homework, I have extracurriculars, an array of clubs and sports. As a student, adults have made it evident to me that I will need clubs and sports, with the big four, my GPA, to succeed.

It isn’t the pressure that imposes on me that makes me anxious, but actually the fear of failure that resides within, from which I am constantly calculating GPA based on the certain grade I got on one test, in one class.

The constant fear of failure that lies within me must know whether or not my GPA is good enough for getting into the honors classes that lead me on a path of a great transcript. With the idea of my college transcript in mind, I must be a ‘well-rounded’ student, otherwise, I haven’t made the most of my high school years.

Although having an imperfect transcript is scary, the major fear of not knowing what is ahead of me takes up a substantial amount of room in my brain.

I may be exaggerating my perception of failure. I don’t want it to seem as though my life is anything but happy, because that really isn’t the case. I am still young. To me, when I calm myself down and really think about the tasks I have to complete, I realize that I can finish it fast. So, in the real scheme of things, my fear of failure is more directed toward the ‘perfect high school experience.’

I want to stay in touch with all of my friends. I want to be able to take all the classes that allow me to appear as a student who challenges herself. I want to have fun. I want to appear as someone who has no stress whatsoever. I haven’t had to sacrifice any of these desires yet. The constant fear of having to eventually compromise one of these things to uphold another is what makes me fear the idea of failure, due to the fact that compromise is inevitable.